Tuesday 19 August 2014

Exasperastes Chapter 2: A Seasoning For Everything.

The Paleoanthropological Canon: King James Version.


Chapter 1: Continueth

François Bordes channelling a
Neanderthal, to demonstrate just
how bloody difficult it is to make a
hand axe from scratch
13 And They gave their hearts to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that the Neanderthals did under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons and daughters of Bordes to be exercised therewith.
This 'hand axe' was made by a
Native American, not a
Neanderthal. And it's not
a 'hand axe' fer gawd sakes!
It's just a biface on a flake,
chipped every which way
but loose, maximizing raw
material use. How good is that?
14 [I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all of palaeoanthropology is credulous, and that doeth more to vex my spirit than an empty fridge or a glass with a hole in its bottom.]
15 That which is a tortured argument is made straight: and that which is wanting in logic cannot be critiqued, come Hell or high water. [Thou knowest whereof I speak. The tricks of charlatans and snake-oil merchants oft be the same as those of palaeoanthropologists.]
Clive Finlayson, of Finlayson, Finlayson, & Finlayson, modelling the latest in
fashionable Neanderthal apparel from the -60014 Gorham's Cave Collection.
Hand-picked black vulture feathers drape effortlessly over the fortuitously broad shoulders of the
greatest living exponent of paleoanthropological fantasy. But he's not alone. The audience is vast, and,
it would seem, limitlessly credulous.
16 They commune and take much good French red wine at conference centres, saying, Lo, We are come to great estate, and have begotten more wisdom than all they that have been before us in palaeoanthropology: yea, our hearts had great experience of wisdom and knowledge! And so say all of Us!
17 [And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.
18 For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that presumeth to increase knowledge only increaseth his own sorrow and scuttleth his own career.]

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